"What's he call you?"

I hate that I don't have a clear answer to that.

What do you have a baby call you who sleeps in your home and has stolen your heart?  When phrased this way, the answer seems so obvious.  But nothing is so simple in Foster Care.

In the beginning, we agreed on 'Mama Debbi' and 'Dada Matt'.  But that feels so odd and unnatural.  I don't want to treat Baby differently.  But there's a subtle reminder in attaching our names that I think I may need.  We are so in love and settled with our current reality, that I worry the kids may forget about the uncertainty of the future, as I know I have.

Last week, Charlotte told her teacher she had 3 siblings.  I quietly attached an extra sheet on her Getting to Know You form to explain our "situation."  I began to worry we hadn't done well enough describing foster care to our kids.  But then Matt overheard the girls talking: "Right now, we have 4 kids.  When Baby Boy goes to live with his family, we'll have 3 kids again.  He might stay with us for a long time.  Baby Girl is going to stay with her Foster Mom until it is safe for her to go back home..."  THEY GET IT.  They truly do.  And yet,

the unknown future doesn't keep my kids from fiercely loving this amazing little guy.

So where does that leave me?  I still don't know.  As with all hard parenting decisions, I'll probably make the kids decide.

Cailin's first week as a Lizard

Cailin has proudly boasted that she is going to PRESCHOOL! every time someone mentioned Charlotte starting kindergarten.  To no one's surprise, Cailin entered "the Lizard class" dry-eyed and ready.  Her teachers have already reported that she could teach the class.  On day 2, it was her turn to be the Leader of the Day.  She took on all the important roles like shaking the rain stick for clean up time, passing out supplies, and reporting the weather.  She is going 3 days a week and is so proud to eat lunch in the preschool cafeteria (just like big sister is doing over in kindergarten).  Things are different with Cailin as the oldest at home now, but she and Matthew are managing okay.

Checking in

Excited for pick-up

First day surprises

First day date

Cailin was so busy with her Leader of the Day
responsibilities, Matthew stood in for the picture

Matthew subs in for Charlotte

The Big K - C1

From Little Acorns Grow Mighty Oaks

While pregnant with Charlotte, a wise mama told me "The days may drag but the years will fly."  And this could not be truer.  Many days, I count the hours to rest time and then again to bedtime.  But somehow, I can't figure out how my first little baby is now at school for a full day 5 days a week.

She will do great, and I know this but that doesn't stop my heart from aching.  On the outside, Charlotte is a bright, confident, big kid.  But at home, especially at night, she is an anxious little babe who has nightmares about separation.  This summer, she has learned to ask for hugs when feeling insecure.  She is academically overprepared for kindergarten.  At some point, that stressed me out.  I'm now so relieved she doesn't actually have to learn phonics and addition, as I know her efforts will be spent navigating the new social - emotional climate.  

On a Getting to Know You form for her class, the teacher asked "How many siblings does your child have?"  I wasn't sure how to answer that, so I asked Charlotte.  Without hesitation, she said 3 (with a silent "Duh!" attached).  None of my children chose to be part of a big family, but I'm confident none of them would choose otherwise.  That said, I will pick her up solo this afternoon for a special mommy-big girl date.  Until then, I'll be counting the minutes until 3:06.